About
So, you’re wondering about Lauren?
So, you’re wondering why I’m referring to myself in the third person?
Good question.
My name is Lauren. My nicknames are as follows: Lauren.com, oh sup Lauren, Lorn, Lorna (if you’re Lindsey Beason’s Mema… which you aren’t), Laurie (if you want me to get mad at you), Mary (if you’re my mom and you mistake me for your sister, again), Lorn_k, Lor, Lorlor, Lawn (if you’re my niece and you can barely speak), and most importantly… Lauren.
But call me whatever the hell you want.
Let’s get all of the awkward questions out of the way first. You know, the first date type of bullshit you ask instead of just jumping someone’s bones, so that way you seem like a legitimate person.
What is your sign?
I’m a gemini. Which means a hell of a lot to my mother and very, very little to me. Sometimes I read my horoscope, but I can only justify doing so when I’m incredibly bored at work.
What school do you go to?
I don’t. I withdrew quite awhile ago and haven’t worked up the motivation to go back. This is the number one question that creepy guys at bars ask. And then when you tell them you don’t go to school it’s like they got hit in the face with a flacid penis. Even if I did go to school I think I’d say I didn’t just to see this reaction. It’s absolutely priceless.
Where were you born?
Oh, me? I was born in a manger. Wait, no, I was born in a hospital room… with onlookers. The only thing more disgusting than thinking about people watching me be born is knowing that they wanted to. I’m sorry, but bloody baby Lauren… not cute. But really, I was born, raised, and currently reside in Chandler, AZ.
How old are you?
I am 22 years old. Old enough to sound like I know what I’m talking about, but young enough to where adults don’t take me seriously. Err… perhaps most people don’t take me seriously. I only sometimes take myself seriously, so… there ya go.
If you have any additional questions about me or my silly life, feel free to shoot me an email (see contact info you fool). I’ll even save other people the time by posting these questions on this page. It’ll be like an ongoing Question/Answer session. It’ll be cute, I swear.