About

My name is Lauren. I’m sitt/ing here at my desk listening to Ludacris and cleaning out my paper shredder trying to figure out what I should say about myself. Mostly I came up with nothing and got a bunch of tiny pricks on my fingers. Good job me!

I guess that’s a good way to start though. I’m a bit abrasive. Not in an aggressive/in your face type of way and not so much like a paper shredder either. More in the way where I’ll talk about sensitive and offensive subject material to the point where you’ll be uncomfortable reading it.

I do boring work for a living well enough to look better than others but crappy enough to stay generally unnoticed. My job is the least challenging part of my day. Pulling up my pants after I pee and keeping my underwear from scrunching up is actually about five hundred times harder than my job. I wish I were joking.

I’m generally much more reserved than people would assume. I have a ridiculous amount of web-confidence which never seems to transfer to real life no matter how much I push it to. So, if you ever see me in real life, prepare for me to be socially awkward, pretend I didn’t see you, and then mention it later when you’re not around to talk to.

Something else you didn’t know, another paragraph, etc. etc. Any questions?