ohsuplauren.com

I think that adults learn very similarly to kids. All of a sudden a kid is like… “Holy shit puzzles are awesome!” or “Fuck this block set, I’m going to start playing with dinosaurs.” and then “Dinosaurs are for diaper lickers, I’m going to make grandma read me a book!” to “Books are 4 fags l0lz. Txt me ur hw! I need 2 copy 4 tmrw!!!”

Except with adults it’s all lame shit, like “Holy shit, babies are awesome!” or “Fuck this apartment, I’m going to start paying for a house!” And then “Long term relationships are for diaper lickers, I’m going to make my boyfriend marry me!” to “Marriage is 4 fagz l0lz. Txt me ur signature! I need divorce decree 4 tmrw!!!”

I’m scared that the ages that correspond with such natural learning patterns draw closer each day. When are my needs and wants going to change from “Omgz do want Google Nexus One and Amazon Kindle.” to “Technology is teh suck, I can form babby?” or “Independant living FTL! I can has marriage?”

So… what kind of shit stunts your growth? Meth? Okay. Will do.

Okay… Bad example… marriage and babby forming would never replace my lust for new technologies, Google technologies especially. Android baby hybrid? Now we’re talkin. I want to download apps… for my baby.

Taggables: adults vs kids, android baby hybrid, apps for babies, babies, forming babby, i can has, kids vs adults, lauren.com, lauren.com is unreasonably faithful to google, lauren.com only has MS paint at work don't judge her sk, lauren.com would never actually wear a pink sweater whi, learning, meth before marriage, ohsuplauren

 VS

I have lived in Chandler, Arizona, (ranked one of the nations most BORING cities by Forbes, woo wooo!), my entire life, (including my past life as an ostrich, where I was murdered for my meats because I lost all my races. Sad face). I’ve gazed upon its glory, (immigrants). I’ve worked its’ retail stores, (full of middle class women with inflated self-worth). I’ve even found it’s hidden stash of Playboy magazines, (tucked neatly into the dumpster of en elementary school). AND I have looked at it’s logo my ENTIRE life.

Let it be known, I’ve got no beef with Obama. (Well… not yet. If he invites me over for hamburgers I don’t know WHAT I’d wear, so he better not).

Anyway, check out this logo comparison. Oh, sup similarities? I’ve gazed at Chandler’s beloved logo for years and years, and then O-bamz busts out with this bizz? Granted his is a bit more modern, (I smell an upgraded version of Adobe, kudos designer, KUDOS).

I’m taking this as a threat to my city.

 What I see is this: O-jama is going to level our mountains, (Chandler has mountains? Ohhh you mean the railroad tracks on Galveston between McQueen and Az Ave?… pfft, way to go inaccurate logo), remove our buildings, (Intel can manage that on its’ own, just like MOS12 did, thx), take out our crops and plant them SIDEWAYS, and add MORE SUN?!

More sun? Do not want.

Taggables: Arizona, boring city, Chandler, Chandler immigrants, dinner with Obama, dumpster Playboys, Forbes, hamburgers with Obama, Intel, Lauren.com murdered for meat, Lauren.com not invited to dinner with the President, Lauren.com previously an ostrich, Mos12, obama, ostrich murder, President Obama

I’m the type of jaunty smart ass who does one of two things when presented with the classic “half full or half empty” attitude check. I either drink out of a glass I can’t see through or I use the realistic answer… it was either filled half way by someone who was only slightly thirsty, or someone fucking drank half of my water.

Oh? Me? I am an optimist wearing a pessimist’s Snuggie. (This makes me a realist?) My pessimism Snuggie still allows me to do everday tasks like answering the phone, changing the channel on the TV, (just realized ‘boob tube’ is no longer an acceptable nickname for TV, bummer), doing my job, blah, blah, buttfuck.

In shorter terms, my pessimism is no blanket. I’ve altered it with sleeves. Slanketed it. Snuggied it. I wear it with ease right on top of my optimism. It keeps a bitch in check, ya know? I have a desire for things to go right main entree with a side of doubt and a big glass of reservation. But it makes me wonder…

Is being realistic worth the tarnishing of what could be, or is the let down of high optimistic expectation the very thing that drives it?

In being realistic I feel I’m living very linearly… I fucking need a glass of water. 

Taggables: half empty, half full, half glass, Lauren.com is a juanty smart ass, Lauren.com tackles pessimism, living linearly, optimism, pessimism, realism, Snuggie