I’ve been in my head a lot lately about my future. The last time I was this thoughtful I jumped into a 3 year debt payoff process that still isn’t over. It starts with me hating myself as an overreaction to something I regret, rests on me being discontent enough to search for an answer, debating on the decision to choose a solution to the problem, and then eventually getting angry enough to do something about it.

I’m not quite angry yet.

I’m sitting somewhere between terrified of change and knowing I need it. It’s a bitter little corner. I think I’ll be stepping out of it soon, but I need to decide what I’ll be stepping into.

After one post the critic has spoken: my blog doesn’t have enough Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I have been out of the blogging game for so long I didn’t realize that one must present their turtles so early on. Clearly the entire TMNT community thinks I’m an absolute joke. I can’t let this rest on my conscious, so here you are.

Somehow, I almost managed to spell turtle wrong. This is because I was so hurt by the accusations of my blog “hardly being a blog,” that I couldn’t even focus on spelling. So to all ya’ll haters, here’s my turtle.

This blog is new. It feels new, like I can’t curse in front of it because I don’t know how it will react. Or if I needed to poop and I was at its house I’d have to pretend like I needed to grab something from the store just so I wouldn’t seem human in front of it. But that’s exactly my plan. I intend to be a little more human with this blog, I’m totally going to poop in its bathroom.

Don’t get me wrong, I am an asshole still. I’ll talk crap about almost anything. It’s a result of years of silent observation, disappointment in my fellow man, and some amount of self loathing that gives me the ability to immediately and effectively criticize everything/everyone around me. I just feel like that other lady who lives inside me who likes to think about DIY projects and listen to Enya deserves her spot in the internet sun. So, she’ll get some time too.

You’re probably wondering, “What’s the point, why am I reading this? I wish this girl would stop wasting my time!” BUT I’m going to pretend you’re thinking, “Wow, I’m so glad Lauren has a blog back up again, I wonder what she’s been up to lately because I totally unsubscribed from her on Facebook, unfollowed her on Twitter, never had Google+ in the first place and deleted her phone number.”

I’ve been up to nothing, but I’ll talk about that like it’s awesome. So, welcome me back.